I never thought tonight could ever be this close to me

I've been in a dreadful funk as of late. All Eeyore-like with my "why bother" attitude. Oh how I wish I'd snap out of it. Not even cleaning is cheering me up! Instead it's just making me realize I might be moving soon or I might NOT be moving soon, because apartment hunting is one major cause of my FUNK! Thus the vicious cycle continues...oh blerg.

The only highlight of my day was seeing one of my coworkers deep throat a banana, by accident. I was just strolling back to my desk after a potty break and happened to glance over into her cube. I couldn't really tell if that's just the way she chooses to eat a banana on a regular basis or if she had just jammed it in a bit too far because I startled her. Either way, it made my day.

from the edge of the deep green sea

Another year slipping by, and nothing to show for it but a different paycheck. I live each day the same as the last, quietly obeying its dull and lonely routine.

I've stopped dreaming.

I grasp at the little shreds of hope I still have that surround him, but they are slipping quickly out my fingers. I ask myself each night as I stare at that bed for 2, but containing only 1, "How did I end up here?" Maybe one night I'll be given the answer.

But i'm still here, And small, So small.. how could this struggle seem so big?

It's been well over a year since I wrote on this thing, so odd to think I once filled it with wordies on a daily basis. Now I struggle to write anything at all, and battle with my mind censoring my heart. I've started a very new, very different chapter in my life. The last chapter took about 7 years to complete, the one before that was a good 4 wonderful years. I wonder how long this new one shall play out?

But I'm at a good age now and at a good place. I feel calmer nowadays. I guess that really is something you grow into and takes a few decades to fully appreciate. I guess age also teaches you what you should value and hold dear in life, as well as the importance of trust and loyalty. I'm not afraid of trusting people any longer, nor do I pull my trust away from everyone when it is betrayed by just one. Everything is just part of the process, you learn from it, you move onwards and upwards.