Tuesday, October 12, 2010

It's not going to stop 'til you wise up...

I have the worst time locking doors to my past, keeping them shut, bolting them up. Instead, I allow my past to just walk right into my present and future, giving it full range to come infect whatever I'm attempting to call normal and stable at the moment. A revolving door of crazy and drama is apparently what I have established for my life.

I know this, I see it in action, and I know without a doubt that I have the power to break that revolving door and board up that entry way, so why don't I? Do I feel like I need to just keep bringing on the pain, keep pouring the mass amounts of salt into old wounds? For what? To just become tougher and tougher? Is it easier for me to deal with my past by letting myself become dead and/or immune to the old wounds and painful thoughts? or Am I just too afraid to face my future alone without the opportunity to blame some scum from my past for my present fuck up?

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